Take it all in

You know what? I am beautiful. I am perfect. I am absolutely wonderful. No, I'm not being narcissistic, I am just trying to boost my self esteem here. I will never change for some person else. I am marvellous just as I am. I will continue being marvellous because I deserve to be, I will continue being me.
I will try to talk more, interact more, converse more. Yes, I may get ignored, interrupted, talked over, not paid attention to, but so what? I will talk if that's exactly what makes me happy, if that's what makes me come out of my lone zone. I'll talk because I want to hear my own voice. Sometimes I feel as though my voice is the only thing that can soothe me. I never once thought that I could find comfort in a voice, but slowly I find myself talking comforting.
I look out from my window and all I can see is the darkness. Dark, gloomy and creepy is all that I can feel and see. But that is when I need a change in my perspective. Did you know that the darkest nights produce the brightest stars? "Life is really just a reflection of what you think. If your thoughts are polluted, the things you see will be the same." Changing the way I perceive is what helps me the most.
I want to smile, so I will. Nobody can stop me from smiling. Seriously, because smiling is so helpful. If you just stop for a moment, think of any happy moment in your life and smile for real, it will most definitely brighten up your day. And do I want A bright, colourful day with a smile on my face.
Every single time that I felt like I couldn't go on, I did. And here I am now. Is it not just crazy how one can overcome things which once felt unconquerable just by time? Time is all that it takes.

"In life you just have moments when you think you're over it and then you have others when you cry on the bathroom floor wondering why you weren't good enough."
Take it all in, the good and the bad. 

Borderline

I let myself out. I let you into my world. I told you my deepest secrets. You held me high, you helped me out and here I am now. "Here", on the border of happiness and sorrow. It feels as though I'm in two places at once. I'm just so confused all the time about everything. I don't even have the slightest clue about what I want to do. It comes to a limit where I just give up. I stop looking for answers and I stop searching. And it is only then that it hits me, that sometimes you just have to accept the fact that you are by yourself, in this lonely little crazy world.
"Who did that to you? Who messed you up so bad, emotionally and mentally that you've completely shut down anyone who tries to help you. You don't talk about your feelings, you push kind people away and you let negative thoughts in. You refuse to open up and let someone love you or care about you. Honestly, who did that to you?

Okay?

Pain in my chest, pounding in my heart and mess in my head. Well, it's not just my head that's a mess. I officially declare that I am a mess after a year of bliss. I am so messed up that I don't even know what to write anymore. All I've been doing the past twenty four hours is break down and cry. I feel so guilty somehow talking about my own feelings and I immediately regret because I feel just so annoying and pathetic. I cried, screamed and broken down, but I still try putting on a fake smile. "Am I really okay?" Well I am acting like I am okay and I don't want anyone to interrupt my performance. Friendly reminder by the way guys, people in psychology school are taught that anger is a secondary emotion. So the next time you make someone mad, remember that it's because they were originally hurt or upset. No one has the slightest idea how much pain runs through my veins. Nobody please ever come into my life and start to matter and become an important part of it and then just walk away leaving nothing but a hole in my chest. I wanted to scream, I wanted to burst in tears, I wanted to get drunk and kill myself, but all I could do was stare at the wall in silence.

Life is like a piano I suppose; white keys represents joy, black shows sadness. As you go through life, remember that the black keys make music too.

"You kissed her in the rain out in the storm and you didn't realize that the rain was my tears and the thunder was my heart breaking."