Dire Winters

The last month of the year is here, December. For most people all around the world life is a box of chocolates this time of the year. Everyone is so worked up for Hanukah, Christmas and New Years. People love the winter cold, everybody seems to be enjoying a hot cup of coco, cuddled up in blankets, or enjoying the heat of the fire. There are so many other things that people seem to like about the winter; I don’t happen to mention a lot of those things that people seem to find so utterly amazing about the winter because I dread the winters, I happen to have a strong dislike for the cold December month. So here’s why I absolutely dread the winters.

1.     

1.      Gloom Doom
Winter is the ugliest season of all. It turns the entire place into such a dark mess. The once warm and sunny yard, turns into an arctic tundra. The wintertide covers our world in a blanket of white, but even the white seems so not peaceful somehow. And when lost in the darkness of the blizzard, a sole street light is your security guard. Two feet of snow, sleet and ice (for the parts of the planet where it snows), and cloudy and the frosty winds, all of it pretty much describes how the winter weather is a stinging, icy slap in our faces.

2.       Suit of Armour
A suit of armour might as well send out meanings as such as the suit of pride or bravery, but here the armour suit is really just used to describe the discomfort and the amount of covering up the suit does. When winter at its coldest, a warm, heavy coat is a suit of armour. You have to wear the big bulky coat or else you get attacked by the cold hearted winter. Not to mention, coats and the few extra layers of clothes that are so mandatory to put on because the Jack Frost is out there to attack us all, puts on a few extra pounds on us as well. You bloat up and the beautiful curves are sent straight into the dark.

3.       Goodbye Summer Dresses
For those of you who have watched ‘How I met your Mother’, you people definitely know what “Goodbye Summer Dresses” mean. Summer Dresses are flirty, cute, sexy, unveils your curves and well it describes summer, that is, hot! But as soon as the winter sets in, you can kiss away goodbye to the short, chic dresses and get ready for the covered from head to toe, in boots to beanies attire to arrive.

4.       The Polar Bear effect
The Polar Bear effect would relate to the fact that all one wants to do is sleep, that is go into hibernation. Yes, it is true that only pregnant polar bears hibernate, but then again come on, how lame would the “The Pregnant Polar Bear effect” sound? Some sort of activity is required by the body; I mean “Let’s burn some calories people!” There is nothing that beats fun in the Sun.

5.      Look what just flew in? The Flu.
“Hey I’m down with flu.”
Is it really so? Do you have a runny nose, continuous sneezing, a scratchy throat, and coughing a little more? Yes, you are? No honey that is not the flu. Every little symptom seems to point out towards the flu. It is this time of the year when people are just generally suffering from a minor cold and cough and yet they insist that they have the flu. Hey Drama Lil Mama, enough with the “I have the flu” already. 

SUMMERS PLEASE COME BACK! I MISS YOU TERRIBLY!

Confused Teenager

“From time to time, I simply sit on the edge of my bed with a pen in hand, opened blank pages of an old diary and my eyes glaring at the virgin ruled pages. Truth be told, situations like this I find myself in not only “sometimes” but only most of my time.

2^nd November, 2013, it is Diwali here in India and people are in the festival mood. 1.237 billion People in this country and each and every one of them is celebrating the occasion full on, except for three people. These three people would be me, my mother and my dad. Diwali is everybody else’s home is celebrated in full swing; bursting firecrackers, delicious and awesome food being made, people getting each other gifts and so much more. It is bling-bling all over the country. 

I am a fifteen year old and here I am writing, bored out of my mind. At present, I am not my parents’ favourite person. My sister is away in college, and I am pretty lonely. It is Diwali, and I have nobody to talk to, no firecrackers to burst, no good food to eat except for the take out from Naga Kitchen, which by the way was so freaking delicious. But come on! My parents are supposed to be cooking me something thoroughly scrumptious. Instead of enjoying myself “Diwali-Style”, I watched ‘Castle.’ Castle is an amazing television series, but at times I want to be a part of the celebrations as well. 

I am so alone. My parents are engrossed in their own worlds and I can bet you a million dollars that they wouldn’t even notice for a day if I wasn’t at home. I am a living zombie. I am so deserted, that most of the time I talk to myself. Every five seconds I open up Facebook, to look at updates by “other people”, posts and pictures by these really amazingly funny pages. This is how creepy, destitute, lame and jobless I am, that I have to live off on other people’s stories, with the obvious cause being that I have no life of my own, or plainly because my life is too dull and monotonous.

Sincerely,
The loneliest kid on Planet Earth. “

Just so to let you know, the above had been written a long time back.
I am a teenager, I am confused, and my hormones are crazy! But no! I am the happiest kid on this world! Who am I kidding? I love my life. I am freaking amazing.

The Face of Earth

Hello People! Alright, I am very well aware of the fact that there are actually no “People” reading. But just in case I am lucky, “Hello!”
It’s been quite some time that I have posted. Maybe not that long a time, but I want to write everyday, only to find myself in complete misery. The misery being that I can only come up with blank white pages. How pathetic! But, I have made up my mind, that today I will blog like today is the last day of my existence, and that nobody is watching me, not that people actually do watch me.

Every person in this Earth is so different. The variations and differences in each and every one of us are so remarkable. No two people in this world are alike. Not even in the matter of twins, because fingerprints of no two persons are the same. How extraordinary is that! I very well understand that discrepancies among people are very much obligatory, or else there would be no such thing as identity. And besides, what is the amusement in having a planet full of indistinguishable-dead ringer-carbon copied-tantamount populace. What’s spellbinding is the diversity of the human race! The creator or energy or whatever is it that brought this world into presence has spawned something so marvellously mind boggling. The human race is so intriguing.

7.046 BILLION People on Earth and yet no two living people share a spitting image. Let us not consider physical appearances for once, and yet there are no such two persons who share explicitly self same behaviour or demeanour. 

People are fat-thin, short-tall, dark-fair, etcetera-etcetera, if one considers just physical appearance. Then again there are the disparities on the field of one’s nature-

• ·         The lonely flower blooming in the middle of the Prairie (introvert, shy, quiet)
• ·         The pig in purgatory (noisy, talk too much, extrovert)
• ·         Deceitful Bernie Madoff (fake, backstabbing)
• ·         The coward ghost (faint at heart, scared)
• ·         The optimist
• ·         The pessimist
• ·         The opportunist

These are the only few types of people that one comes across. There are people with a mixture of the above qualities. I haven’t personally met each and every person on Earth, and I do not think that is even remotely people. But every chance that I get, I try and make new friends and know more about them and the people around them.
Life is a journey, and by far I am in love with this crazy, maddening, saddening, delighting, magical road trip that I am on. 

Tiny tots

Operation Smile International Medical Missions are always so much fun. The Guwahati Comprehensive Cleft Care Centre (GC4) was busy as a bee from the dates 11th June, 2013 to 18th June, 2013. 
On the last day of the Mission, my friend and I were given duty in the ward to help around, playing with the kids who had just underwent surgery, to keep them busy and distract them from after surgery pains. We had an amazing time, and met some of the coolest kids around. "Happy with whatever and however one is," they truly do represent this sentence. And yes, now the question arises, "If they really were happy with having clefts, why the surgery?"
The answer, simple really, "Their parents."Meet some these cool people. :D

Reshma. <3
Her smile, her jokes, her enthusiasm, those big beautiful eyes. This girl = AWESOME.

Samsuddin.
Well, I know he is mewling and puking in the picture. But not every picture needs to perfect. And besides, the smile after a few minutes was wide enough to make every ice cream in town melt. :)

Ruby O Ruby!
She was the gem of my eye. Her cool and calm, her serenity was so captivating.
Keep calm and love Ruby. 

Sweety. ^_^
Sweety was, does she  really need an adjective? Come on! Her name says it all.  

Megha. :')

The happiness and gratefulness in her Dad was so overwhelming, such wonderful moments. A father's tears are the worst and sweetest ever. Thanks to him for the picture, blurred though it is.

Megha again!
Our star poser with one of the doctors. 

The Girl in the Mirror

I am no Anne Frank, or any of those great authors, and I am very well aware of the fact that this is not a journal either. Right at this moment I have no clue what it is that I am writing. Well, my brain talks a lot, and by “lot”, I literally mean it, like a hell lot. So, it is best that I pen down these wonderful, at times extremely annoying conversations. By the way, I know that typing is not “penning down”, but that sounds way better than “typing.”

I have learnt a lot this year, turning fifteen. But I really do not think that I have learnt because of the age, but probably because of the lifestyle that I am living.

There is a figure looking at me in the mirror. She looks so very strikingly familiar, and she smiles whenever I smile. The girl in the mirror does whatever it is that I do. She is a reflection, my reflection. And what I see in my reflection is of a strong, independent, fierce, determined, young lady who is so proud of who she is. I do not need another living and respiring being to appreciate me for who I am. I do not need any body to tell me that I am beautiful. The opinion of a person who does not know my story, or doesn’t even try and understand the theme, drama and plot of my life, does not hold any amount of value to me. However, my opinion and believes are what matter, so the only person that I actually listen to is myself. From a very tender age, I have always believed in only myself and have been so extremely stubborn about whom I am and not changing decisions I once make my mind about them. Some people may consider this sheer foolishness, but I am glad that I only listen and adhere to the decisions that I take. Once I have made up my mind about some matter, no existing power can change my mind about it. There are times, when I very well knowingly make judgements which are not appropriate of the situation. And no, there is not a single second in my life that I regret on taking erroneous decisions; instead there is a fire so bright that starts inside of me every time I do something extremely horrible and get out of the mess that I created by myself. It is this fuel that is essential every once in my life to ignite all other activities that have I have been procrastinating for so long. Bad decisions are in reality the best things that happen to me every few months. It gets me to thinking about the things that is should actually be doing, and the girl that represents me in the mirror. 

Utter randomness

On some days, writing feels so easy and on days like today, I find myself craving to write but there is nothing but randomness in my head. 

So I'm just going to walk you through some of the events that have taken place in the past few days or events from a really very long time ago. My blog is like a diary, nobody quite reads it and somehow I feel extremely nostalgic about writing here, it feels like home. This year my blog has given me the warmth of a mother, patience of a lover, kindness of a friend and offered me protection of a father. This is the place where I can be myself and come to it whenever I feel like, it has never once rejected me.
So earlier tonight my sister, Polly, called me up and we talked. We didn't talk for a long time, barely even ten minutes, I suppose. She didn't seem like the old her; I mean okay, I get it, people change. But she is my sister and she just said that she did not want to come back to her hometown. That was major news and it hurt a teeny tiny bit to hear those words. I guess that is what happens when you move away from home. I know that she is in a whole new country and miles and miles away from home, but come on! For God's sake, it's HOME! How in this world does someone not want to come back home? I just hope that words as such about not wanting to go back home ever come out of me. It's a horrible thing to even imagine about.

A few nights ago, I had the most amazing dream of my life. My o my! I have never had a romantic dream in my entire life and the first one that I had was something so beautiful. Sigh! What an enthralling scene. I honestly wish I'd live through it. It was in some sort of a really big palace or a hotel, and all of my school friends were there, and there was some sort of a party. I was wearing a white dress, and it was a cold windy night with tigers, elephants, rhinos, deer and foxes strolling in absolute harmony just out front of the palace or whatever this mystery place was. There was this gorgeous boy and he held me by my waist and we made out and it was; okay that's pretty much it. I mean it is a dream. It's not like people actually remember dreams in details. Although I definitively wish I did remember just that one dream to actually reveal the mystery guy.

Ooh. I get so pissed when people pretend. So there is this girl Antara khaund, we used to be in the same school, same grade and same friend circle. Suddenly she changed schools and this year we met each other after a long time and she was this whole New girl. Long story short, we're not close anymore, we're not friends. She is so pretentious. So my guy Best friend, Shivam, he used to be friends with Antara as well. So today shivam texted Antara for some work, and this is how it went-

Shivam - Hey. We'll be going to Guwahati Comprehensive Cleft Care Centre tomorrow to meet Lismore at around 10. You said that you wanted to meet us, so I'm letting you know.

Antara - Hey Shubham. Its not possible that we meet tomorrow cause there is an important cabinet meeting at school. :/ BTW how do you know Lis?

Let's skip what other text messages took place after that, but let's just focus on "Hey Shubham!" SHUBHAM??! Honestly? SHUBHAM?!  I mean what kind of a pretentious little child are you? She's know SHIVAM, ever since kindergarten and a few days ago as well she texted him, and they're friends on Facebook as well. This is just heights of irritation. Some people need a reality check!

Damn. I got dark circles.

The picture is so not related 

Hilarious

Hahahaha. Hilarious how my life has become a joke very recently; people take me as a joke, I tend to take myself as a joke and life takes me as a joke as well. So I sit here alone in my room, it is very silent, most of the furniture is of a reddish hue, the roof made of Shillong pine, curtains of a pale yellow tone, and in all the room itself does not give off a vibrant range of colours to the person living in here. The room is so silent that one can hear her heart beat and when trying to sleep, the rhythmic beating of the heart, and the inhalation and exhalation of air becomes her very lullaby. And no, the walls to the room are not sound proof. So how does one access to complete dead quiet. Is it possible that I am a fifteen year old living all by me? Well, no, that is not the case here, although it does not quite make much of a difference, because it sure does feel like I am living in this big beautiful house which at times feels like a ghost manor, solely. I have a family, my mum and dad are busy at their jobs, so I mostly stay home alone, and even if they are home, they are usually wrapped up around in their own worlds or prefer to spend time with each other. My parents and I hardly ever “hang out” and talk at home, even at lunch time only a few words are exchanged. I usually skip on breakfast and dinner, or have these meals by myself, sitting on a six people dinner table, and five seats just blank seated only by air. Yes, my life gets a little alone and zombie like at times. But no, God no, I am not complaining, maybe it is just the perfect life for me or else I would have been writing about how my parents nag me most of my time and that they are always trying to take over my life. I thank the Super Natural that that is not the life I am living.

Besides being so utterly and immensely grateful of what God has provided me with, I however feel that certain people in my life do not love me, let alone love, even so like me back as much as I love them. And by love, no, I do not mean it like in a sexual or romantic manner, but in a friendly and family way. The people I have known ever since a very early age, it is so very hard to not love them and have them as friends forever more and after, or at the least till the time that we see each other every other day of our lives and cross each other’s paths. Maybe I have done some absolutely inane and maddening things but I never meant to hurt anybody’s feelings. If I could have, I would have done things differently but the fact is that I liked the way I did things, as because of the decisions that I took, or more likely we mutually took, joyous and wonderful memories have been created and I want to saviour them for a lifetime. Fights, quarrels, troubles and more of those rumble streets will be there no matter what, they are what gives us a reality check every once in a while, and these are essential and mandatory. But one shan’t let them in their way; I mean is this how strong our friendship is? So easy to break off? I personally thought that it was super glued till death do us apart or something? I will say that I am sorry a hundred million times and do whatever it takes to save what we have or “had” but I shall not see it fall apart in crumbles.

So you can “crop me out of the picture” if you’d like and not talk to me for months, but at the end of day I will say that I am sorry because I do not want to lose what we have.  

Hello There!

Oh how amazing it feels to be back on my blog again after a long, long time.  The last that I was here was 8^th of September, 2013, and now here it is 1^st October, still 2013 though. You know what the worst time of a fifteen year olds’ life is? Of course, you don’t, most of them adults think that it is all so very easy, unproblematic and painless compared to what they have going on in their lives. NO. Just NO, mid terms and finals exams are the worst times of a teenager’s existence. At least for me, it is.


And now you have the reason for my absence, I had my mid terms going on. I was so lost and buried deep under my books; I didn’t even have the time to so much as to “think” about any other activity rather than studying. I crammed for these mid terms all day and all night long. Today was the last paper for this term and it was “Math,” every student’s nightmare. Well, maybe not “every” student, but yes, for a lot of them. By the way I am describing Math, it is very presumable that it’s a living nightmare for me as well, but in factuality, it isn’t. However this year, my tenth grade mid term Math paper was indeed a nightmare I had to live through. It was a real nail biter. I worked my gut out for Math, for SIX whole entire days, all I did was practice Math. All I did think, see, do, write, eat, sleep, dream was Math, and today at 9:15 a.m. as I received the question paper in my hands, I jumped to start writing down the answers. I didn’t see left or right but dove into this deep dark watered pool of numbers. The dive I took was near to smooth, but as I reached into the pool and swam deeper, I was breathless and helpless. Time was running out and to complete my task of solving these numbers strewed all over the place here and there seemed much likely impossible. With time on its edge, I was suffocated, and nearly gave up; many times I even so let myself sink. However with some sort of life vest or encouragement of the other I was periodically being resuscitated. These aids helped me an immense lot, but the difficulties in my brain with momentary dyslexia and a faint heart, broke all spirits and determination and cast a shadow on the very bright pool.

But then again;
Once time is gone, there is no possible way of bringing it back all over again. There is no point of dwelling in the past. You do not get free re-dos in life. What one can do is to live in the present and prepare for the future.

Oh and well, as for now, BLOG how ever much I want to!          

The Assurance

In the blink of an eye, you end up doing the stupidest thing on this planet. It might not be stupid or ridiculous to all those gazillion other people, but to the people that this action was directed towards, it means everything.

I have been telling her that everything is going to be all good and well again; things will go back to being how they were before, and that everything that happens, happens for a reason. You are trying hard, really hard to keep yourself together, to keep your emotions bottled up and just keeping your calm. At the same time, you also have to be there for the other person, whose tears are your fault. She might have been reassuring you a thousand times that it wasn’t your fault, but deep down inside even you know that she holds you responsible for it. You tell her,

“Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened. Try to find happiness; you’ll find joy and bliss in the most unexpected things. Life is full options; there is no end to the list of things that you are good at. God always has a plan for everyone. Follow the teachings of Buddha. These are immaterial issues. Life has its way of going on. Today you are crying over spilled milk, tomorrow you will be reminiscing about what happened and laugh with the heartiest content. Anger is a disease, it controls you. Anger is an emotion related to one's psychological interpretation of having been offended, wronged, or denied and a tendency to react through retaliation. Just know that I am there for you no matter what. Stay strong and always try to find out the positiveness of it all even when all you can see is the negative. You are a magnet, and so far as yet you have been able to attract all the greater things in life, and you will continue to do so. You have hit a bump on the road, it is ‘you’ who will drive through it and get up on the highway all over again.”

Telling her all this, gives you some sort of a reassurance as well. But how far is too far? You are waiting and holding yourself to watch things revert back to normal, however this time it is taking an awful lot of time. The same episode has happened so many times before in the past, that it has become like a routine that occurs every once in a while. You are sitting here like the old times, except this time without any fear. It is just then, when you realize that a lot of time has passed since it all happened, and you start losing it. You break down, and you no longer know what it is that will happen. However there is still a little shade of that hope in a corner of your heart.

Just remember,           

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

                                                            -George Bernard Shaw 

Lost

“Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.”
-Sylvia Plath

Since the past two weeks I have been craving for some really nice freshly baked double choc cake with chocolate ganache and chocolate caramel filling baked by myself. Today, a fine Saturday morning, I wake up and make my mind, “Today is the day I treat myself to that cake I have been thinking about for oh so long.” Pushing past all my laziness and sluggishness, I finally managed to bake that cake. It didn’t take me all that long to bake it, but getting hold of all those ingredients and that “wait” while the batter was in the oven, was the most irritating part of it all. But after getting through the entire process, when I could finally sit down at the table, with a huge piece of that freshly baked hot double choc cake with chocolate ganache and chocolate caramel filling, and gobbling it all down spoon by spoon, my mouth full, my hunger for cake satisfied, it was the most gratifying moment in the recent few days. Nothing felt better than that feeling of being full. And then soon after, I sat down with the second piece of cake. However this time, when I was almost half done with that piece of cake, there came over a feeling of throwing up and disgust. I could no longer take more in. And it was then that I realized that the joy of getting what I wanted was nothing but all a momentary satisfactory.

                                                                                                           

An incident quite similar to this happened the very same day. It was during the evening that I found myself wanting everything, but even I did not know what this “everything” was. I found myself sitting on the edge of my bed, with a tall glass of mocha in my hand, and my brain so full of thoughts, it started to feel close to nothing. Suddenly I went numb and crazy. I began over thinking; however it felt as though only randomness. Scenes from my past started developing, I was travelling through time and reiterating to the old times, I started talking to people the way I used to talk to them possibly a year ago, and I was trying to be happy, but at the core something was ripping out my chest and it wanted to come out but it was trapped. I felt trapped. A part of me wanted every thing to be okay and fine, but the mess that I had got myself into was irrevocably impossible to dig out of. The pain started growing incredibly fast and nobody could solve this problem; because the problem did not seem to exist. All I wanted was everything, but “everything” had seemed to lose its definition.

A Single Split Second

In a single split second, one person can make two different decisions. A person as such is often said to have a very unstable and unsteady brain, and sometimes other people think of them as neurotically insane. I behave like that once in a while, or maybe even a lot more often than I notice, and people tend to judge and name tag me at the soonest time possible.

From a very long time, there might have been a steadfast direction that you were travelling on to get to the destination you wanted to. But once you are so close to reaching it, or maybe you already have reached it, it takes you only a single second to divert from that settled-safe path and take on another rocky-risk road or to revert back to the starting point. The reason we leave what we are about to accomplish is probably because the means to get to the final award or destination was a task too effortless, easy and unproblematic. People don’t say without a reason

“The award of hard work, determination and patience is always sweet.”

Once you reach the end of that easy path, and get to your accomplishment, you start realizing that it is not meant for you to have. And when you have something that is not actually your’s there is a feeling of suffocation, and that unfit piece sitting on the incomplete jigsaw. And what is it that you do, when the supply of oxygen has been cut at the place you’re in? Obviously, you take a step back from the finish line, and settle to travel back home where there is abundant supply of air and space for you.

However, if the road you had travelled on to get to the finish were to be rough, strenuous, and filled with obstacles, you’d happily accept whatever stood on the end of the finish line. That’s simply because of two reasons; one, because you’d already have lost a lot of blood and sweat to travel back up again and two, because the happiness of touching the finish line has clouded up your judgement.

But at the end of it all, what matters is what you decide and nothing else does. 

Broken Dreams

Clueless to the core, pressure closing in, but does a fifteen year old’s worries mean anything to anybody? It hardly holds any value of some kind.
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood.”

 William Shakespeare and his word play, it touches me so deep down. People normally come to certain points in their lives when they have to choose between the one and the other. But here I am, wanting to choose, but there is nothing to choose from. Or maybe in reality, there are just so many endless opportunities, that my mind, heart and soul are incapable of narrowing those chances and choices to just two limited ones. Very recently, my ways of living have been extremely simple and meaningless. Feelings of such have dawned that there is no more purpose of my living. In the mean time, I also know that I have much more in life that I want to do. Examples of such things I would be bowled over to mention, but I am scared of ending up with broken dreams, “Dreams turning into nightmares.”

“Find your dream catcher”
As Indian legend goes, the Dream Catcher is hung in the lodge near the sleeping area. Its purpose is to catch all dreams, good or bad. The bad dreams caught in the webbing would be burned off by the first morning light. The good dreams caught know their way to the hole in the center and filter down into the feathers. They are held there to be dreamed another night.
It was in Old Town Scottsdale, Arizona, at a store that I came across these beautiful dream catchers and was wooed by the concept of it. I have history of having nightmares and screaming in the middle of the night waking up everybody in the household. With some hopes of it working, I purchased one. Well, it’s been almost two weeks now that it’s been hanging on the lodge. And I do not remember encountering any series of nightmares; however I still do not come to believe that dream catchers actually work.

If related to my fear of broken dreams, I need to find a dream catcher of my life. I may not be correct, but the only dream catcher that works is ‘The Circle of Life.’

“You reap what you sow.”

Another year

“Sixteen”
Yet just another two digit number, isn’t it? But sometimes even a number can mean so much. The number sixteen can make just so much sense; it could be somebody’s favourite number, a date, a means to math, the denotation of a person’s age and oh so much more. “Sixteen” here is however related to age, your age. Each year you turn a year older. So what is it that is so special about turning sixteen? In reality, there is nothing at all out of the ordinary. It is just for the glitz and the glamour that the phrase, “Sweet Sixteen,” has been introduced. After all age is just a number. The human body matures and grows almost every day, but I suppose that everybody deserves and wants to feel extra important and special at least one day. And hence, the concept of birthdays has been established. You were seven and then today you’re sixteen. Though no great honours have possibly come your way, these are some of the loveliest years you have spent during your youth. People say you are young only once. This however also depends on what you believe in. If you’re a hardcore believer in the fact that age is about the state of your body more than the state of mind, then believe me buddy, you’re going to have a hard time remaining forever young. However if you are to believe; I am a child once, but my immaturity can go on forever after; I can assure you that you will remain young at heart for years thereafter.
5^th August, 1997, you have come a long way. From being a mewling and puking infant, to a little boy with the little school bag, and now to being a lover and a young lad, it could be stated that you’re in your third stage of life. As William Shakespeare’s poem goes,
“All the world’s a stage,
And all the women and men merely players;
They have their exits and entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts.”

So far as yet, you have played your role in this platform very well. Your entrance into the stage was an enormous joy and your performance as of now, has received so much applause and appreciation. As you are living through this third stage, you will experience so much. Staring from love to hate, joy to sorrow, excitement to boredom, anger and calm, betrayal and loyalty, friendship to enmity and so many other emotional and physical experiences you will encounter. Also remember, do not just carry the happy and blissful memories along with you; carry the erroneous ones with you as well. You learn from your mistakes. The human being is flawed from birth, but flaws and mistakes are what bring you a step closer to perfection. Of course, it is not expected that you become perfect and faultless right now. After all, you have four more stages to finally fulfil your purpose on Earth.
There are a few words by Jesus which have inspired me so much. I know that as you are reading this letter, those twenty two words would hardly affect or matter to you. But when the time comes and you really want to understand and acquire what the words mean, it comes to you very easily. All you have to do is look deep down.
“Give, and it will be given to you… for by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.”

April, 2004, it was the first time that we met. As already mentioned, in life you come across a lot, you can easily identify this in our lives, our friendship. During our years of friendship, we have experienced relationships and situations of so many different kinds. We started out as acquaintances, and then being enemies, and the time you were in love with me, me hating you, we becoming enemies again, entering brotherhood and sisterhood, and then we becoming friends. The summer of 2007, our ship sailed to take on the voyage of friendship and till date it hasn’t returned. Normally people would say, “I hope it doesn’t even return.” But I know, deep down inside that this ship has sailed so far away that it cannot find its way back to a land of hatred and animosity. So with abundant confidence, I can say, “Oh! That boy and I have been on a voyage ever since grade seven, we are not ever returning.” Our friendship is the result of the law of attraction.

The Law of Attraction-
It is a very simple law; you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to know the law of attraction. The law of attraction is the law of love, and it is the all-powerful law that keeps everything in harmony, from countless galaxies to atoms. It is operating in everything and through everything in the universe. In simpler terms, positive doings reap a positive receive and the same law can be applied to negative doings. Whatever it is that you give out, be it words or actions, you attract it back to yourself.
It is a probability that I have given out something positive to have some one like you attract back to me.
And yes! This is what Isaac Newton’s law is all about; it is that easy, of course without all the technical terms.
“To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

I have told you this before, and I am telling you this again today.
“I get mad at the people I love the most.”

You might some times wonder that if I am screaming and shouting at you all the time, how is it that I am your friend. Some time in the day, you might as well come to think that may be I just pretend to be your friend. But that is just wrong. I get mad and sick and irritated of you, but then again I love and cherish and save each and every memory of ours together. You are like a little child who can bug anybody anywhere anytime anyhow and at the same time, people just find you absolutely adorable. Well even if not ‘people,’ at least I do. So do not doubt the friendship that we have.
Heed to William Shakespeare’s words,
“Our doubts are traitors and make us leave the good we oft might win.”

I understand that it is a fairly long letter for a person who is not very fond of reading, but to express is magic, to comprehend is delight. Who knows, maybe you won’t even read all the 1167 words here. But to reach you with these words has been an absolute elation.

“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”

Oh and before it is too late,
Happy Birthday love.
You’re a stud, you’re my Superman, and you are my T-shiv.

                                                                                                          -Your’s forever and always
                                                                                                                                     Love, T-san

The Doting Lovers

Time flies by in a shutter of the eye,
Burned and cut would be thou with a goodbye.
The distance within in a span,
Life and skin grow blanch.
Naught you bid adieu,
Worlds shalt shatter and turn blue.
Might art be both stale,
Go out there and brew a gale.
Spirits must you keep on cloud nine,
Off you go at night as the two wine and dine.
Look up to the sky,
Thou shalt not let colloquy dry.
Run now to the open meadows,
Left behind shall be your shadows.
Sun must shine warm upon your faces,
Raining might be softly on your traces.
Durst not between any other lady or lad,
Hold each other and be glad.
Cherish and treasure the good,
Vile and cruel be left a mood.
For as long as you have the other,
Devotion shall look up to you prouder.

 Shivam Pradhan and Sharon Chongoloi, you two have something great. Hold and heed. 

Aimer y ser Aimado

She hides things from him.
He doesn’t like the fact that he has to force her to spill out the secrets churning and turning inside of her. He without any doubts obviously does not appreciate himself for doing so.

But the things that she hid from him weren’t at all any dirty secrets; dirty secrets which would include her cheating on him or flirting with other lads. The relationship that the two have is their’s, and I am not one to comment on it. However from my experience, the sharing of your friends’ secrets is not highly a necessity. It is only right that both of them get their own space and not delve too much into each other’s business, so as long as the matter does not include either of them. There are certain things about one’s friends and family, which might be little too clandestine, and are difficult to share with a partner without a legitimate bond.

Her brother and one of her, as well his, friends are together, like in a relationship. She knew it ever since they started going out and never did she once tell him about it. He came to know about this through one of his friends. He thinks that she didn’t bother to tell him about it because she doesn’t care enough for him to let him know all that goes on with her brother’s and friend’s life.

If he did come to know about it, why doesn’t he ask her about it very directly? Is he absolutely certain and positive that she knows about it, I questioned him. He says that she is familiar about it without any doubt because she keeps on dropping hints about the matter here and there. However, the moment he is close enough to bring out the matter to open fields, she changes the subject, hence playing the game with sheer cleverness.

He conversely has a very bad habit of flirting with other females. He says that he wouldn’t call all those cheesy sleazy conversations flirting but being over polite and over friendly with them.

That is wrong on so many levels. She has been just hiding phrases of her family’s and friends’ life, whereas he is being, in his words, “over polite” with them. If he had been my boyfriend and I unearth all that has been going on in the woods, I would’ve kicked him outright to the gutters.

So he laughs at it off, and says that he tries to control. He doesn’t know why but his love for her is slowly fading away and he however does not wish that happens.

Don’t just control, ignore. Don’t you break up with her, promise me? You have somebody as of now to tell her that you love her. You have someone who will tell you that she loves you. You have somebody to express your emotions and tell her silly little romantic lines. She will tell you that she loves you without any reason. Late at night, when you cannot sleep and you are wide awake, you will have somebody to think about and imagine little romantic episodes which might not ever even happen. When you’re lonely and could use a few words of love and comfort, you have someone to call up and tell her how much you love and miss her, and I guarantee you, that you hear it back as well. Do not miss out on all of this.

I may not quite be in line with these thoughts, but you should be. I do not quite understand the whole concept of being in love and wanting someone so badly you are ready to cringe and cry just thinking about him or her. However, I do miss the person I hear words of love and kindness whenever I want to, and all of a sudden I feel lost and deserted. Then again, I remind myself that this is who I am; not wanting to be in love. I am pretty sure it is because I didn’t’ give love a chance, didn’t try to be in love or even so stay in love.

But you are in love, and you should respect that. You should carry it with you. 

Ruled.

Hey. 

 What?

I need you to call me.
And why is that?
I just need you to.
Well I can’t, I am busy.
Well alright then, I thought I would give you a piece of my mind.
Oh whatever!

You know what? What the hell? I am done being good to you. I highly recommend you get acquainted with the term “friend.”The definition that you use for a friend is something so extremely different in so many levels. For you a friend is someone who gabs, chats and babbles to you all day long. But trust me my darling; you are not going to be befriending a mate as such in any time now or even possibly ever. You consider yourself a being so irresistible, appealing and enticing, but truth be told, you are nothing but a worthless bauble who don’t mean a dime to me or to anybody else. Actually, I am willing to be a bit harsher as of now, “You are nothing but a piece of poop.” Please feel free to feel like crap. Expecting me to become instant chums and sharing everything that goes in “my” life with you is a sect of your delusional imagination.  Put all believes in me and know that those imaginations are never coming to reality. You must as well know the reason to why you and I cannot be friends, it is very bitterly because you are not a friend I’d like to treasure and cherish, you’re not someone I can confide in. Talking to you one night with utter friendliness does not make us bosom buddies.

What?

You were pleased and content to be in Sarla Birla Gyan Jyoti (SBGJ), right? I suppose you should go back there again. Do tell your parents to admit you back to SBGJ; nobody’s keeping you tied down here anyway.

Yo chill!

I don’t need any freaking advice from somebody who hates me for not talking to him “all day long.” Reality check babe, I have much better things to do, rather than talking to you all day long.

What the hell? I don’t want you to talk to me all day long.

 You say that you don’t want me to talk to you all day long. Sure, that most definitely explains the bazillion missed calls and messages from you on my phone, the trillion texts on Whatsapp. In order to get rid of those infinite text messages I had to block you on Whatsapp, and as well as put your calls on forward so as I could live in peace.

Okay, fine. I will live a boring life from now on.
I won’t disturb you.

Bye Sanjukta.

Stop being a mother fucking pussy and grow up. I literally mean it. Grow up and face the rejections in life.

The Debt

Just as she attained puberty, she knew that this was the end to her life as a carefree young girl.  According to the elders in the family, she had entered womanhood.

Marriage is supposed to be the beautiful union of two souls, two bodies merging into one soul, being able to understand, love, care, hold, and respect each other for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. But when two people make their wedding vows, do they really mean them or are they just words mandatory for them to speak because the society wants to hear those words? People decide on getting married for a variety of reasons. Be it for legal, social, libidinal, emotional, financial, spiritual and religious reasons. In India, marriages are often the decision taken by the society instead of the two people who will be living through the matrimony and spending the rest of their lives with. It is the twenty first century and yet people disregard emotional reasons and get married for financial and legal benefits.

Kalawati and her smile. :)

Kalawati, a beautiful young girl was the daughter of a father who was a gambler and a hardworking mother. Kalawati’s mother was a victim of child marriage. She was married off at a very tender age and was living with a gambler and an abusive husband. The wagering of money or something of material value on an event with an uncertain outcome with the primary intent of winning additional money and/or material goods, gambling, it is an addiction so dangerous. The most dangerous part is that gambling is “uncertain,” you never know what and when you lose. Kalawati’s father gambled every evening. His gambling habit had already left them poverty stricken.
The year was 2002 and it was the month of Diwali. The people in India have a particular day before Diwali called “Dhanteras;” it is the day when the men gamble and live with the uncertainty of either becoming extremely rich or either get thrown to the streets. It was past midnight and Kalawati’s father still hadn’t returned home since the afternoon when he started gambling. He had lost almost lost all the money he had, which was very little. He was trying to win, but as he kept playing, he lost even more. Finally as dawn broke, he was left with nothing but an enormous amount of debt to pay to his opponent. He came back home in the morning with fear dawned upon him; he was a broke man soon about to be homeless and his family as well thrown out to the streets.

Although he never mentioned about his loses and debts once throughout the day to his wife. The afternoon arrived and the family were about to have their lunch. Three huge men broke into their house and held Kalawati’s father by the collar. Kalwati and her mother tried to hide in the few square meters of living space that they had. Kalawati’s father’s opponent, Ravi, was one of the three men who had come to cash out his winnings. Ravi’s eyes suddenly caught sight of a beautiful twelve year old girl clinging to her mother’s saree. Ravi then turned to her father, and said, “All of your debts are forgiven, if you give me your daughter’s hand in marriage.” Without considering the age of his daughter, the age difference between Kalawati and Ravi which was at least about ten years, Kalwati’s emotions or opinion, the father saw an opportunity and took it. 

He agreed to “sell” his daughter.

This is the twentieth century and incidents like these occur so very often even. These marriages are often performed without the consent of the girls involved in the marriage. The country's law has made child marriage illegal, but it is still widely practiced across the nation. If this is the state of our country, are we ever going to progress? The mentality of people has hardly changed.

Today, Kalawati is twenty three and her husband died few years ago of tuberculosis. She has two children, an eight year old boy and a six year old girl. But salute to the brave Kalawati, because even after she went through so much, she wants to learn the English alphabets, and receive at least a minimum amount of education and she for a fact is persuading her dreams. My sister, Bhavna Choudhury, tutors Kalawati and her sister, Sunita, for free of cost. Sunita who is thirteen years old is lucky enough to be attending a public school and not being “sold” like her sister was. Both Kalawati and Sunita work as maids. Kalawati very often says, “Jab parhne likhne ka mann tha, bech diya.” This means,

Kalawati learning to write the alphabets. 

“When I wanted to read and write and go to school, I was sold off.”

Kalawati's sister, Sunita.

The Rush

Performing Pop it, Drop it and Roll in the occasion of the Winter Carnival, a fund raising event by R.O.O.T.S

The movement of the body rhythmic to the tones of the instruments, the smooth flow and continuation, the breaks of the being at the exact positions, the creativity and innovations of the body direct to an art form so intriguing. Enabling the human body to emotionally express, socially interact and the most fascinatingly of all, to “tell” a story without telling is the magic of DANCE.

With my dance partner, +Shivam Pradhan. Performing a bollywood number on Teachers Day 2012

I started dancing ever since I was a kid. My mother encouraged me at every aspect and inspired me to dance. If she wouldn’t have introduced me to dance, I don’t possibly think that today I would proudly be able to say, “I love the rush I feel every time I dance.”  She was my mentor. Ever since I was a kid my mom and I would sit down every evening and watch dance programmes on the television. Those dance programmes and my mom has inspired me tremendously to become the dancer that I am today. I am not one of the best dancers of the world or country and do not hold a title or rank of any sort, but for me being able to enjoy the sweat and rush and the racing heart is a feeling extremely satisfactory. 

Sanskriti. My dancing dynamite in the purple belt.

To express and to reach out to people with this nonverbal communication is the most achieving capability of the human body. The joy of perceiving such nonverbal communications is nowhere near the ecstasy felt while performing one. The blood rushing all throughout the body, the flush of heat felt on the cheeks, the racing of the heart and being able to hear the heartbeats multiply faster with every move the body makes, the sweat slowly oozing out of the body from every nook and corner, the feeling of being a star and the number of pairs of curious eyes trying to anticipate each move; are sensations one feels when dancing with love and passion.

Sanskriti performing Chikni Chameli (bollywood) choreographed by me.

Gangotri, performing Anarkali (bollywood)

Motivating and inspiring young blood like my mother did to me, has always been a dream of mine. With the little experience and knowledge I have in the field of dance, I have managed to choreograph some dances performed by our school dance troop in regional television and school events. Our school troop consists of dancers from all grades starting from the fourth grade. When working with the troop, I noticed two very small girls, Gangotri and Sanskriti. They were so in-sync, moving with grace and perfection, with smooth fluidity in their bodies; I watched them with awe. I knew then and there, these were the two girls that I wanted motivate and watch them turn into beautiful dancers.

Gangotri (to your left) and Sanskriti (to your right)

Gangotri being in grade four and Sanskriti in fifth were dancing with much more perfection and fluidity than the girls who were in much higher grades. They were my two little minions and I brought them into the focus by my side. Both Gangotri and Sanskriti were extremely passionate, ardent and dedicated towards dance and watching them share the same passion and oomph I have made me elated and thrilled. Ever since I discovered them, we have performed together and they as well as have went up on to the platform alone and made space for themselves in the heart of the audience. I can assure that they feel the exact same adrenaline and excitement that I feel every time I dance and in the next few years, they will be the choreographers of our school once I pass out.

Gangotri in the baby pink belt. 

With lots of grace and poise, they will inspire other young talents like themselves in no time.