Today I Love Myself Because

All the pain and the truth, I wear like a battle wound.
So ashamed, so confused, I was broken and bruised. #todayilovemyselfbecause I'm a warrior. I've got thicker skin and I'm stronger than I've ever been.
#todayilovemyselfbecause I've decided that I am beautiful the way I am and I don't need to change for anything or anybody. ☺♥

#todayilovemyselfbecause I am so so fortunate to have such loving parents, sister, baby brother Ringo (my love, my dog!) , family, friends and all my supporters on instagram! I love each one of you so so much! And you guys are just amazing! ♥♥♥

#todayilovemyselfbecause of the way God has made me. I am starting to accept myself, my body. And I'm listening to my mama's words and really value them a lot, 'If you don't love yourself, you cannot love anybody else.' I will love. Myself and everyone else.

#todayilovemyselfbecause I'm learning to live a balanced life. I'm learning not to starve, binge, purge or over exercise. I am constantly reminding myself that I need to eat healthy, and also treat myself at times. Also I always keep in mind to exercise moderately.

#todayilovemyselfbecause  I controlled my anger and was very strong and held back my tears when my friend commented on me. He was commenting on how ugly I look and throwing popcorn at me and making fun of me in front of the entire class. Buy I told myself that he is just not worth my time, worth my energy.
I love running!!! I love yoga! Pre Ed I used to be always such a lively, bubbly, active girl. But after Ed took over my life, I turned into a lifeless soul. I was always so depressed during my ed years. But now that I am into recovery, I think I've improved quite a lot. I am slowly opening myself to the world and letting them know me better. I don't want to stay in this shell anymore. I will have the pre Ed girl I used to be, back! Its possible. I will be the girl who once could run 5 miles without any trouble. #recoveryispossible guys!!! #todayilovemyselfbecause I am finally wanting to come out of my shell and let people into my life.

todayilovemyselfbecause I have gained another 2 kilos. So I now stand at 48 kilos. Wow. I'm not really happy about it but I think I should be. My life shouldn't be focused on some shitty numbers on the scales. I love myself today because I've gained 2 kilos and this means that I am healthier. HEALTHY, this is all that matters, right? Hell yea. I am strong. And I will not count calories. I will count blessings, not calories.

#todayilovemyselfbecause I can dance. Haha. I know how random this is. But, yea. It feels so great that my body can do such amazing moves. I remember when I used to be so weak, food deprived, and I wouldn't even have the energy to talk to people, let alone dance. The only time I would dance, or more like, force myself was when I wanted to burn calories. Okay. Its scary.
But now, I have so much more energy. Energy= doing whatever I feel like = dance is love, dance is life.

Alright. So last night was one of my downs. I mean in life, if there are no ups and downs, you're basically just a dead person. Life is a long journey and petty things making one upset and crying over it, isn't really going to help. What helps is to reason things out. Connect the dots. Don't take everything so personally and hold grudges against people. So #todayilovemyselfbecause I am who I am. I am learning to be more reasonable, much more stronger. Need to live. Need to learn. Need to love.

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Boredom has dawned over me. I have nothing at all to do. The thing is, I have a lot to do. It's just that I don't want to do anything. I feel like Bruno Mars singing 'The lazy song.'
Today I don't feel like doing anything. I just wanna lay in my bed. But I do want to pick up my phone. Other than that, I don't want to do a thing. I honestly need to get a life. Maybe I'm just too attached to my phone. Need to get a grip. I want to go out somewhere. We have our holidays on. It's the 30th of September, 2014. There are twelve more days for school to reopen. So in these twelve days I wonder what I should do. I could.study, read books, blog and oh so much more. But there seems to be a lazy bug attacking me every time I sit to do something. I am so lethargic. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. I think I talk too much over the phone. I really need to stop this addiction. I am going insane.
30th September, 2014.
Today morning at around 7:50 a.m. I was woken up by Mum. The first thing I do is check my phone for messages. Only to find none. So I sent out a message instead. Then I got ready and rushed to see my shrink. Her name is Nahid and she is such a beautiful person. I have sessions with a psychologist because I am an Anorexia warrior, fighting depression and anxiety. My appointment was at 8:30 a.m. Talking to her always makes me feel so good. I talked to her about my problems and she told me to see the world with a more positive attitude.
After coming back, my parents told me to eat breakfast but I wasn't at all hungry. So I told them that I wouldn't eat anything. I came to my room and started reading 'The Canterville Ghost' by Oscar Wilde. I kept my phone aside just so that I could give myself some time and not be anxiously waiting for someone to text or call me. That actually helped a lot.
So there are some kids who work so much at home. They help around at home with everything and yet, they never get the appreciation that they deserve. This upsets me so much. It surely does make them independent and strong, but they're human beings after all and hence, crave for some love, care and support.