Ever Wondered?

I remember wearing elastic bands around my wrist. Do you? Did you once ask me why I wore them? No. It wasn't a fashion statement. What was it then? Maybe some sort of a reminder, it was. Would I be Snapping it hard whenever hungry. A reminder of how fat I was and how desperately I needed to lose weight?

A lighter in my hand and playing with it. Is it because I liked the colors? All the questions I used to ask about cigarettes. Ever wondered why? Was it just curiosity? Or did I use them for real to curb my appetite?

The pencil sharpener I used to keep staring at. Would I be staring at the pencil shavings stuck in it or something else? The forks and table knives set up on the dinner table I would stare at, but what for? To maybe cut something?

Did anybody once ever even notice the blank stares? Or the huge dark circles under my eyes? Maybe you did notice the dark circles, because let's face it, every one of you are interested in the outer looks and then gossip about how ugly or pretty someone looked based on face value. Any one ever tried to know why all the blank stares and the circles? No, they're not because of lack of sleep. Sometimes else, maybe?

See the scratches on my arms and legs? What did I say how it happened? 'Oh my baby dog, Ringo, scratched me. Not a big deal. He does it all the time.' Really? Did you all actually buy it? Maybe would've helped if you would have looked into the situation deeper.

Go back a few years. Rewind just a further more. Yes, right there. When you were little and you fell down, they would ask you were it hurt. You would point to your knees, elbows and they would make it better.

Now come back to the present. So you're older now. If you fall, they do not ask you where it hurts. You sit silently in your room waiting for someone to ask you where it hurts and then you point towards your head and heart. Because that is exactly where the pain hurts the most, but the sad part is, nobody makes it better.

So you see that smile on my face? Ever wondered if there's a story behind this smile? Ever wondered 'She might just be perfect at faking smiles.'