Some things
in life – “Said so easily, but hard to
do.”
What I want to do is refresh my mind. All I want is to clear all my problems and just have fun living. I want to live every day like it’s my last. I want to dance, sing, and eat like no one’s watching. I’ve been wanting this for almost a year now, but in vain. I keep waiting for the day when I will stop giving a damn about what people think of me and just start living the way I want to live life.
Lately, my life has been empty. All the medication that I am on, don’t seem to be acting up on me. Even my medicines don’t have the urge to help me anymore. I’m trying so hard, I’m puting in all my efforts and I’m giving it all to get better, to get over this, to forget it all and move on. I also began to think that I was getting to the point where I could proudly say, “Woah. I’m feeling a lot better.” However though, right now I couldn’t feel any worse.
I keep telling myself,
“You’re not alone.”
But as the Sun goes down and I lay on my bed at night, the bed feels so cold and big. My sadness envelopes me rather than my blankets. My head is propped up by a monster of thoughts rather than my pillow. And that weight on my chest, it feels as if the mattress is lying on top of me rather than the latter. And in the middle of the cold silent night, as I sit up and take a look around, all I know through this confusion is the fact that the only person there is, is me, and the only person who cares is me, and the only person who understands is me.
And you know when it gets harder? When the cold silent night is over and when you’re in a room full people and you look around. You see them all talking and laughing and all of a sudden you feel so sad and lonely that you can even feel a physical pain in your chest. You realize that they all belong to someone and they all have someone who belongs to them and you don’t. You’re always just kind of there.
What I want to do is refresh my mind. All I want is to clear all my problems and just have fun living. I want to live every day like it’s my last. I want to dance, sing, and eat like no one’s watching. I’ve been wanting this for almost a year now, but in vain. I keep waiting for the day when I will stop giving a damn about what people think of me and just start living the way I want to live life.
Lately, my life has been empty. All the medication that I am on, don’t seem to be acting up on me. Even my medicines don’t have the urge to help me anymore. I’m trying so hard, I’m puting in all my efforts and I’m giving it all to get better, to get over this, to forget it all and move on. I also began to think that I was getting to the point where I could proudly say, “Woah. I’m feeling a lot better.” However though, right now I couldn’t feel any worse.
I keep telling myself,
“You’re not alone.”
But as the Sun goes down and I lay on my bed at night, the bed feels so cold and big. My sadness envelopes me rather than my blankets. My head is propped up by a monster of thoughts rather than my pillow. And that weight on my chest, it feels as if the mattress is lying on top of me rather than the latter. And in the middle of the cold silent night, as I sit up and take a look around, all I know through this confusion is the fact that the only person there is, is me, and the only person who cares is me, and the only person who understands is me.
And you know when it gets harder? When the cold silent night is over and when you’re in a room full people and you look around. You see them all talking and laughing and all of a sudden you feel so sad and lonely that you can even feel a physical pain in your chest. You realize that they all belong to someone and they all have someone who belongs to them and you don’t. You’re always just kind of there.
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