Hilarious

Hahahaha. Hilarious how my life has become a joke very recently; people take me as a joke, I tend to take myself as a joke and life takes me as a joke as well. So I sit here alone in my room, it is very silent, most of the furniture is of a reddish hue, the roof made of Shillong pine, curtains of a pale yellow tone, and in all the room itself does not give off a vibrant range of colours to the person living in here. The room is so silent that one can hear her heart beat and when trying to sleep, the rhythmic beating of the heart, and the inhalation and exhalation of air becomes her very lullaby. And no, the walls to the room are not sound proof. So how does one access to complete dead quiet. Is it possible that I am a fifteen year old living all by me? Well, no, that is not the case here, although it does not quite make much of a difference, because it sure does feel like I am living in this big beautiful house which at times feels like a ghost manor, solely. I have a family, my mum and dad are busy at their jobs, so I mostly stay home alone, and even if they are home, they are usually wrapped up around in their own worlds or prefer to spend time with each other. My parents and I hardly ever “hang out” and talk at home, even at lunch time only a few words are exchanged. I usually skip on breakfast and dinner, or have these meals by myself, sitting on a six people dinner table, and five seats just blank seated only by air. Yes, my life gets a little alone and zombie like at times. But no, God no, I am not complaining, maybe it is just the perfect life for me or else I would have been writing about how my parents nag me most of my time and that they are always trying to take over my life. I thank the Super Natural that that is not the life I am living.

Besides being so utterly and immensely grateful of what God has provided me with, I however feel that certain people in my life do not love me, let alone love, even so like me back as much as I love them. And by love, no, I do not mean it like in a sexual or romantic manner, but in a friendly and family way. The people I have known ever since a very early age, it is so very hard to not love them and have them as friends forever more and after, or at the least till the time that we see each other every other day of our lives and cross each other’s paths. Maybe I have done some absolutely inane and maddening things but I never meant to hurt anybody’s feelings. If I could have, I would have done things differently but the fact is that I liked the way I did things, as because of the decisions that I took, or more likely we mutually took, joyous and wonderful memories have been created and I want to saviour them for a lifetime. Fights, quarrels, troubles and more of those rumble streets will be there no matter what, they are what gives us a reality check every once in a while, and these are essential and mandatory. But one shan’t let them in their way; I mean is this how strong our friendship is? So easy to break off? I personally thought that it was super glued till death do us apart or something? I will say that I am sorry a hundred million times and do whatever it takes to save what we have or “had” but I shall not see it fall apart in crumbles.

So you can “crop me out of the picture” if you’d like and not talk to me for months, but at the end of day I will say that I am sorry because I do not want to lose what we have.