A Hollow Hole

There is a void in my life. It is an empty space, a dark black hole just waiting for to be filled. There is an urge to fill this gap. The need, the want to feel full again is so much that the more I wait the bigger and deeper the space gets. A feeling of hopelessness, helplessness, despair, desolation, despondency and anguish has dawned over me. Just to fill this up, I put a fake smile. But the truth is that I cannot fool myself even. Let alone me, my best friend cannot be duped. She can see what actually is behind the smile on the appearance. The smile, the grin, the smirk are some things I have permanently plastered on the face. Even at the most amusing situations, my lips do pull into a curve and appear to the spectators as though I am laughing. But in the inside it feels like as if an animal with bear claws is ready to come ripping out of me. The feeling is not pain, hurt, ache, soreness but the simple want to fill up myself. The body craves the incompleteness of the present, the void, the emptiness to be filled back up once more.

The stage that a cocoon goes through to finally turn in to a butterfly, its struggles to break out and take on its own is a perfect description of what I am going through. The hatching of a little bird from an egg and learning how to take the skies is another portrayal of my present living. Every living body goes through complications, struggles, difficulties, snags, obstacles and barriers. It is not only the human mind and heart that goes through the emotions and sentiments but every tiny breathing respiring organism experiences the sensation. But the only difference is that the human body is capable of giving vivid descriptive images of their emotions.

Just so I can distract myself and fill up the empty vessel of my life, I find myself doing very odd jobs. However even when I am trying to find a purpose to live again, sometimes somehow in between I end up breaking down. All of my past deeds and doings I recall and I cry thinking at the thought of how felicitous and how I used to be in high spirits all time round. A great amount of dejection is felt when I cannot answer the question,

“When will I go back to being my normal self?”

Looking at myself in this state, I pity myself. Although I absolutely hate being pitied at, every once in a while I wake up to giving myself an immense amount of sympathy.

But remembering myself these words by Charles Spurgeon makes me rethink over the past few hours on how I wasted my precious time,

“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.”

Abandoned

He said he loved her,
Although the words a blur.
“Be mine and blessed shalt we be forever.”
So she took the step being braver.

Bestowed they were with felicity,
Oh how they lived a life of simplicity.
Gabbing and chatting for hours long,
Seemed like only seconds along.

Bicker and battle they did,
Nevertheless her fury hid.
Time apart they spent,
However at last coming to an assent.

Once when hands struck twelve,
Deep in her heart she delve.
Tears of rage on her burning cheeks raced,
Abandoning and leaving him all so dazed.

One and the Other

The hot bright sun glistening,
Onshore the waves crashing.
Wind on their faces,
Her heart jumps and races.
He and his brothers chortle,
While she enters the shy portal.

He stares at her for long,
Whilst she hums to a song.
Their eyes meet,
She tries to keep together on her feet.
He breaking into a smile,
Both a feeling mutual as they were alone on the isle.

Both be blushing,
A one or two words babbling.
He makes her felicitous,
None of the two malicious.
After stretched hours they spend,
They were holding hand in hand.

Their time together coming to an end,
The two from distant lands.
Promises of always being together,
Weren’t a piece of their weather.
But as long as one and the other were close,
Their love for each other was at the most.

Far Away

Over a thousand hills,
A hundred mills,
Across lush green fields,
All grey-black dies,
And gay-time seed yields.

Adobe of heaven above,
Dancing and swinging green below,
Soft silent waves touch,
In the sky a giant spotlight yellow.
Joy and elated one will be much.

Mind and heart stand solitaire.,
Far from the madding crowd,
Acrimony and asperity nowhere near.
Travelled and moved away from loud.
Oh how they all lure.

WRATH

What is one’s wrath?

When thou art lost in thine path,
In the midst of acrimony,
Must you be in grave anatomy.

Words like spewing venom,
Asperity making thee a demon.
Animus thou shalt show,
Ye shan’t grow although.

Wither thou go,
Wilt go thine foe.
Poison might be his deed,
Thy be civil till thou bleeds.

Durst thee to be his bosom buddy,
Be not whit a soul so bloody.
Prithee does no talt,
When thou at fault.

Mine and Thine :)

Yore I met thou,
Naught I know now.
In my heart I fear,
Canst thee be my fere?
His eyes a melting a broun,
Couldst thou be heart torn?
Whence, comest thou?
Neither hither, nor thither.

Nary I fear of,
“I love thou,” spoke I soft.
“There canst be naught betwixt us,”
Words he spoke in a hush.
I shall tarry for thee,
Until I have thy love for me.

Onescore long gone,
Hath broken what he’d sworn.
Midst onescore he seek for love,
Reaching me, takes my hand in his glove.
“I wit my love is thou,”
To me he said and bow.

I wist no whit what I thought,
Overmany betwixt I was caught.
For once I trow not,
But my mind wraught.
‘Henceforth ye shalt be mine,
And I shall be thine,”
                                   -spoke I.